I Never Had The Guts To......

Hey all! I've been to busy with life the last few weeks, with my A Divisions for bowling occurring in a few weeks time, on the 18th of April, and also busy trying to ignore everything else and shift my focus to my studies and bowling only, but i feel that when i decided to ignore everything else, i ended up loosing many friendships, and even did something that may hurt a person i liked but never told her my thoughts to her... Today, i want to take a small note, that i wrote some time back, and even if she does see it or not, i just want to post it here, because, i realized that by ignoring so many people and trying to push everyone away just to readjust my focus, not only hurt them, but also hurt myself after i realized that for what i did, I've reached a point of no return... =(. So, here's the note!
21/03/16 12:56AM
Why do i cry because of you? Tears that come out without my control, without any trigger. Just thinking that there may be a chance I might never see you again, and having to let you go really really hurts. I thought that I was over it, but somehow, your messages made me realise that i really really like you, and if i'm bold enough, i'll say i love you, although i'm not ready to be in a relationship either. I just wanna protect you and be at your side through thick or thin. I really can't bear to loose you and see you go. 
So, thats the note i really want to share, after thinking back on what has happened the last few weeks, i realised that although i said that i wanted to move on and try to forget about her, she still pops up in my head from time to time, and i still think about her and care about her. I tried to be cold blooded, and get rid of that person, but I really regret stop contacting her and all, because, i still really like you, as what i wrote in that note few weeks back. And hence, the title of this post, I Never Had The Guts To tell you my deepest and truest feelings, and that i just want to see you be happy, and help you be happy and smile again if you're feeling down, or stressed out. I Never Had The Guts To tell you that I cried because i missed you and want to hear your voice, want to see you face to face. I Never Had The Guts To see you face to face, even if there was the opportunity, because i was worried i might break down when i meet you, i was worried that i'll mess up the conversation and that i was shy. I Never Had The Guts To tell you all these face to face, and lastly, I Never Had The Guts To tell you I had started liking you unconsciously. I Never Had The Guts To say, I Love You until today.