A Note To Myself

I've always tried to help my friends whenever they need advice or help, but there's one person whom I gave advice to, where the advice was not a normal friend to friend kind of advice, but it was advice to a special someone that I really wanted to see her efforts and hard work pay off. Today, I would like to take a look back at the advice I gave her back then, and try to implement it to my own life, because these last few months of mine was really really s**ty and mainly because I kept lementing on how bad my situation was, but not trying to find the solution, like how I tried my best to find a solution for her. Back then, the advice I gave her was : you may have put in the effort, but the results dosent show. Maybe it's because you used the wrong method? How about looking back at how you prepared for this certain exam, and then see what went wrong that caused you to not do well despite all the efforts, why is it that you can learn a certain subject so well, but don't get any single bit of another? And when we talked about the aspect of parents stressing us out, Teachers stressing out and we ourselves stressing ourselves out, my advice was : they are stressing you out not because they intended to stress you out, but it's because they care, and they feel that what you're doing now may not be the best for you from their perspective. It's up to you if you would like to accept their advice, and if you think it will make you a better person, take it. We aren't living in a world of perfect, where stuffs always go your way. Sometimes, even when stuffs never go your way or how you expected it to be, you got to look back and ask yourself, is there anything that I could have done better? Was that the best I could have done given the circumstances back then? If your answer is yes, you should happily accept the result despite the failure, because there's nothing else you can do since you tried your best. If your answer is no, on the other hand, find out what's preventing you from doing the best you could given that circumstances and see how you can fix it. But if you're best is not enough, don't feel worthless, don't feel like you're stupid or anything, it's because you will most probably have done better than many others, and be in the top percentile. Although i was thinking about that special person abit while typing this, I think it's wee time that I should apply this advice I gave and I have to myself, because I already knew what to do, but I didn't use it on myself, and could still give this answer to that person. It's time for me to reflect, and read this particular post whenever I feel down, to see the advice I gave her, and also the advice I should be giving to myself, so I won't be defeated even if I fall over and over again. Peace out. =)

I Never Had The Guts To......

Hey all! I've been to busy with life the last few weeks, with my A Divisions for bowling occurring in a few weeks time, on the 18th of April, and also busy trying to ignore everything else and shift my focus to my studies and bowling only, but i feel that when i decided to ignore everything else, i ended up loosing many friendships, and even did something that may hurt a person i liked but never told her my thoughts to her... Today, i want to take a small note, that i wrote some time back, and even if she does see it or not, i just want to post it here, because, i realized that by ignoring so many people and trying to push everyone away just to readjust my focus, not only hurt them, but also hurt myself after i realized that for what i did, I've reached a point of no return... =(. So, here's the note!
21/03/16 12:56AM
Why do i cry because of you? Tears that come out without my control, without any trigger. Just thinking that there may be a chance I might never see you again, and having to let you go really really hurts. I thought that I was over it, but somehow, your messages made me realise that i really really like you, and if i'm bold enough, i'll say i love you, although i'm not ready to be in a relationship either. I just wanna protect you and be at your side through thick or thin. I really can't bear to loose you and see you go. 
So, thats the note i really want to share, after thinking back on what has happened the last few weeks, i realised that although i said that i wanted to move on and try to forget about her, she still pops up in my head from time to time, and i still think about her and care about her. I tried to be cold blooded, and get rid of that person, but I really regret stop contacting her and all, because, i still really like you, as what i wrote in that note few weeks back. And hence, the title of this post, I Never Had The Guts To tell you my deepest and truest feelings, and that i just want to see you be happy, and help you be happy and smile again if you're feeling down, or stressed out. I Never Had The Guts To tell you that I cried because i missed you and want to hear your voice, want to see you face to face. I Never Had The Guts To see you face to face, even if there was the opportunity, because i was worried i might break down when i meet you, i was worried that i'll mess up the conversation and that i was shy. I Never Had The Guts To tell you all these face to face, and lastly, I Never Had The Guts To tell you I had started liking you unconsciously. I Never Had The Guts To say, I Love You until today.